Today’s Man is adjusting to a new era, where his dad’s advice about relationships is no longer valid, if not downright damaging. Statements like, “I’ve never changed a diaper, and I’m proud of it,” is not an uncommon comment I heard growing up from my own dad.-Konstantin Lukin Ph.D.
Get Rid Of Childish Beliefs
My dad would tell me things like this. “Men don’t do dishes. Men should just clean their room and take out the garbage.” This is nonsense—just one of the many misunderstandings concerning true masculinity. This would absolutely put a strain on a man’s intimate relationship. The question is, “What men are we looking to for examples?
Let me rephrase that question, “What men should we be looking at as examples?” Answer: The Prophets and Messengers. A wife of a Prophet was asked, “How is he around the house?” She replied, “When he’s at home he helps out. Washes dishes, mends his clothes, and helps me.” In light of this, the statement above is a false narrative about manhood that has been promoted for a long time.
It’s essential for men and women to recognize that God created us. Also, no one will dispute the fact that He created men and women to be different emotionally, physiologically, and psychologically.
This being the case, He assigned both sexes responsibilities that suit his or her natural disposition. Thus we see that women were given the privilege of having children. No matter how much a man might specialize in childcare, women remain the most patient in handling children and the most loving for them.
Being The Leader Is Good
Many men have mistakenly believed that taking the lead in a relationship or household is a bad thing due to the toxic masculinity era. Nothing could be further from the truth. The issue comes in when men try to substitute leadership with dictatorship.
There’s a huge difference between leading and dictating. True leadership is filled with sound vision, spiritual and intellectual purpose, mutual consultation, gentleness, and firmness. It’s not about force and manipulation. Men with authentic leadership have always been attractive to women.
Women who are strong, smart, confident, and successful in their own right love men with leadership qualities. This allows her the space and freedom to flex her feminine muscles with the man in her life. Only women who aren’t comfortable in their own skin or have a misinterpretation of masculine leadership wants a weak man. Notice I used the word “leadership.” Not dictatorship.
Men with true masculine qualities don’t want to control the relationship. They want to cooperate with their partner. At the same time, he has a clear vision that is beneficial for their relationship and future together. Once a woman observes that the man is truthful about the vision he spoke to her about, she has no problem supporting that vision.
If you can tell me what to do, then you can tell me what to do. But, if you can’t tell me what to do, then you can’t tell me what to do.-Jill Scott
The quote above is from a Jill Scott interview where she talked about not wanting to be with a weak man. This is the way confident women feel regarding being with a man who can’t lead. This being the case, the man should provide and protect. He should have his family organized, strong, and focused.
He’s not dictating things. He consults with his partner concerning all important decisions. Sometimes, the man sits down with his partner and children to get all of their opinions about important matters. This is part of effective leadership. So men! Don’t be deceived into believing that leading is not what women want.
Women are not a garment you wear and undress however you like. They are honored and have their rights.-Umar Ibn al-Khattab.
Be Strong, Gentle, and Trustworthy
These are traits that men have displayed in relationships since the beginning of time, and they never go out of style. With these characteristics, men become endeared to the women in their lives. One of the Prophets called women “glass vessels” because of their being delicate and sensitive. He also advised the men to be gentle with the women.
So a real man has this balance not only in his life, but it shows up abundantly in his intimate relationships. He has strength spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and intellectually. He has wisdom; therefore, he knows when to bend and compromise and when to be firm. He doesn’t behave treacherously personally or professionally.
The woman in his life has observed that he can be trusted. His words and actions are in concert, and he is concerned with her condition inwardly and outwardly. It’s just as Umar said, I’m amazed by a man who can be strong and serious with his friends and be gentle and playful with his family.
True Masculinity Is A Mainstay
O, Men! Let’s look back to go forward. The pillars and principles of masculinity have been the same since the creation of Adam. Women have admired and fallen in love with these qualities since the creation of Eve from Adam’s rib.
In light of this, the man’s role in relationships has been clearly defined. We just have to go back, study the blueprint, and then implement what we find. The man should be strong and trustworthy. Due to these traits, he should be a provider and protector of his partner and family.
Not just financially, but spiritually and emotionally. He must have a vision for himself, his partner, and their family, which the woman in his life sees as viable and attainable. His strength, firmness, and trustworthiness should be balanced by gentleness, attention, and strength. If a woman wants a weak, unreliable, irresponsible, and aloof man, that shows a lack of understanding on her part. In essence, men must be men. That’s the best thing for him and the woman in his life.